The last post..

So in many ways my story begins and in others it ends. 

On Monday 7th November our dreams came true – our beautiful daughter arrived. Three weeks early and in a very dramatic fashion which I will skip over as I want it to be very kind h in the past. 

Bridie Elizabeth weighed 7lb 3oz and is absolutely beautiful.

We will be eternally grateful to the medical staff of Manchester fertility in cheadle. And to all our family and friends for their support. 

Our lives as parents has begun – something a few years ago we never dreamt could happen. 

The journey has been tough and pregnancy was much more difficult than I ever imagined but it has been worth every injection , every blood test, every tear shed.

I am the happiest I have ever been. 

Nearly there now

So tomorrow I will be 34 weeks. 

It’s not been plain sailing but the bottom line is I’m pregnant and next month I will meet my baby. I couldn’t be more grateful to medical research and science. This time last year I was on hormone tablets and I never thought I’d get through it – it’s been quite the year. 

I’ve found pregnancy hard. I’m one of the unlucky ones who has hyperemesis. Basically it means I’m sick physically – a lot! Some days ten times and some days up to 30 times. It’s been a great diet as I’ve lost so much weight but it has come at great cost too.

I have to be very careful with my hydration levels which means lots of trips to hospital and I am now convinced they are going to name a wing after me as I’ve been there so much. I love the NHS every person works so hard but the reality is they are so under funded that it is so difficult for them to do their jobs as well as they want to. 

I’ve had lots of cock ups with bloods and appointments. My best advice to anyone is to take charge of your own care – keep ringing, turning up at clinics. It’s the only way. I’ve been worried for some time now about the impact of the sickness on the baby and keep being told it’s fine. After doing some research I have requested blood work to check my iron – I’d already had diabetes tests as my mum is diabetic and they were all fine. But I’ve been suffering with really bad restless legs to the point that on average I get 2-3 hours sleep a night and I’m exhausted. I’ve gone very pale and am suffering from dizzy spells. Three times I’ve been refused the blood work that o wanted until eventually this week they agreed and my midwife has informed me that my iron levels are the lowest she has ever seen! Lack of iron has links to autism as well as under weigh birth weight. So the result now is medication for iron – hopefully it will help with the tiredness and restless legs and I can finally get some sleep. Downside is the side effects include nausea – well I’m not sure I could be more nauseous if I tried. 

I go back to consultant on 1st November and find out date for being induced – will probably be in week 38 so really not long to go now. I’m so excited. I’m actually going to have a baby – my own baby. Christmas is going to be so magical this year – I’m already buying things for its stocking. The big question now is will it be a boy or girl?

Something that’s been bothering me recently about blogging about this pregnancy is the guilt – the guilt I feel about IVF working. I have had so many acquaintances on this blog site and seen some success stories but I’ve also followed some heart breaking blogs. In all the blogs I’ve seen courage and strength but I feel guilty that it worked for me first time. I don’t want to rub anyone’s faces in it but I still feel like I am in IVF . I think I always will – there’s a bond between us that go through it. I want so much for it to work for all of the ladies I follow. 

I feel like I have to keep this blog going until the baby is born as that’s the full journey – so I hope I don’t come across as smug because it worked for me. I may not blog often now but I do keep up to date on your blogs. 

Stay positive people – it can work and I’m sure it will xxxx 

Six months along

So …. What a month it is been. 

Firstly it’s important to say that I am so grateful to be pregnant and I am prepared to go through absolutely anything. No matter what. 

Morning sickness has been a constant for me since I was five weeks pregnant – I’m 25 weeks + 4 days now. However it all just got a bit out of hand and I ended up in hospital as I’d become so dehydrated and couldn’t even keep water down – not one sip. Then the nosebleeds hit me big time. I tried to call triage who told me to see my gp. Initially I couldn’t get in but managed to get them to let me agree to speak to my gp. He told me to go straight to see him. Once I got there he rang triage and told them I was on my way. Three hours in the waiting room in triage I was seen and put straight onto IV fluids. They tried to take blood which was eventful! Lots of big bruises. They had to fit a catheter too as I hadn’t had a wee in 15 hours. 

I was admitted, but the eats weren’t good. I had an infection and they suspected it was sepsis. I was immediately put in two lots of antibiotics, anti sickness and paracetamol all via IV. I went in on Thursday and by Friday night/ Saturday morning is taken a turn for the worse. My temperature was 39.8 and the baby’s heartbeat was much too fast- suddenly I was on 29 minute observations. I hadn’t eaten for days but was still vomiting constantly. If I’m honest I don’t remember that much of that weekend it’s all about of a blur. 

Sunday I started to improve and managed to eat some toast (although the it wasn’t long until I saw it again).

The IV fluids helped to rehydrate me. I requested to come off anti sickness meds and every cocktail of them that I was given Made no difference at all. They just seemed pointless – the reality is according to the consultant I am “allergic” to the pregnancy hormone. Which may explain why I had three losses and struggled to be pregnant. 

My mum and husband were amazing when I was in hospital- they made sure one of them was with me at all times. They kept me positive. 

My friends were all supportive too!

So I came out after six nights in hospital with antibiotics to take orally which if I avoided taking at meal times they would stay down. 

After my hospital stay I went to stay with my parents for a week as my husband had to work And I wasn’t ready to be left alone. 

After another week I was getting better still sleeping a lot and very sickly but much more myself. We had a holiday booked to Cyprus and we didn’t think we would be able to go but we made the decision last minute to just do it. So a week of relaxation followed – pure joy. 

So now I’m back home and on holidays until 1st September . I don’t know how I will go once I go back to work and to be honest I’m preparing myself for being told I have to go early on maternity. I will do whatever means that the baby is ok.

I’m getting bigger now and finally in feeling kicks – such magic. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be pregnant. In 13 weeks I will be induced and will meet this little one. I am glad that my sickness hasn’t affected the baby and as long as it is ok I can out up with anything. 

Making every negative a positive 

So I spent the day in hospital yesterday. It started a couple of days ago with severe sharp pains in my side and lower abdomen – got worse whenever I moved but like everything else I just kept telling myself that I’m lucky to be pregnant so can’t complain. 

Didn’t get any sleep on Tuesday night due to the pain and was throwing up most of the night. Went to work Wednesday morning and about 1030 I got a nosebleed – a massive one with big clots . Work made the decision to take me to hospital – where I stayed for the next 6 hours. 

They gave me an injection for the sickness – hasn’t worked btw!

They discovered by bowel is swollen and taking up too much room. The baby is very low and in an awkward position and they couldn’t get it to move. That is what some of the pain is at the front but the side is the bowel. I’ve been constipated for weeks and as a result I have lovely piles ! So I was given suppositories which sadly haven’t worked! Still no number 2s. So still in agony. Got to go back for another scan on weds until then it’s pretty much bed rest. Hopefully by then my bowel will have gone down. 

It’s funny I thought when/if I got pregnant I would be super woman and what I’ve learnt is that I’ve been pushing myself too hard trying to be everything – I’ve had a lot on at work and I’ve been working long hours. I need to slow down a bit and look after myself more. 

I don’t want to do anything that puts the baby at risk – the baby’s heart beat was nice and strong yesterday but they could measure it due to the position it is in. 

What’s hard is knowing what pains are normal for pregnant – I didn’t want to be an over dramatic pregnant person calling the midwife every two minutes but now I realise that I need to listen to the pains and just ask if it’s normal. 

So for now I’m horizontal and trying to get some sleep – if I can remember how to do that! 

Approaching 18 weeks 

Ok so I’ve come to accept that I will never be a glowing pregnant woman – I fall into the category of sick, covered in acne and tired. And you know what it makes it all float away when I remind myself that I have a person growing inside me. My own little person. 

I have to admit that I thought I’d get more access to care with this being a high risk pregnancy but I guess for first 20 weeks they just can’t really do anything. I’ve seen a midwife twice – ten weeks and 16 weeks and have had one scan (well I had another one privately ) . I’m  supposed to be under consultant care and so far I’ve not had an appointment through to see a consultant. I have a scan coming up in the first week of July – which I can’t wait for . We won’t be finding out the sex.  I just feel that IVF took so much of the romance and surprise away from creating a baby (don’t get me wrong it’s been a bloody miracle for us and I could not be more grateful) so I want some surprises back – the Embryo went through so much before it was even put back that I just don’t want any more testing or knowledge of every little thing. That’s why we didn’t have any of the tests done like Down syndrome too. 

So it’s very hard to believe that we are nearly half way through. I ha e started shopping!! And my mother has started knitting – this baby is going to be so loved and adored by all of those around it. (By the way I am convinced it’s a boy)

My mother doesn’t like the names I like – whoops! The thing with being a teacher is so many names are associated with children I’ve taught! Need something a bit different but not weird ! 

My belly has popped a little bit but in still convinced it’s just fat! 

Getting my back up! 

I have found this blogging community to be the most amazing, supportive tool during our IVF.

Today I jumped on to see how others are getting on and in my IVF filter I have up I came across the most self righteous, prejudice, hurtful blog I’ve ever read. 

Basically it was along the lines of we won’t have IVF because we are Christian – then goes into detail about how wrong IVF is – I can’t tell you how angry I am about it. Like I said in my last blog I am slightly unhinged at moment – but it’s really upset me.

IVF is the hardest thing I have ever done – I am a lucky one it worked for me. The blogs I follow don’t always have the same happy ending (yet!) and all I’ve ever seen from any one going through IVF too is compassion and care and support – no judgement . How are someone say it is wrong and judge us? We are mothers and mothers to be and one day mothers and no one can make an judgement about that. The friendship and support I have seen is much more Christian that the post I read today and as I said in my comment on that said blog “May God forgive you!”

And now breathe 

Control freak – just relax

Ok so I will now finally admit that I have issues. Big fat control issues – not a great ingredient for IVF or pregnancy.

Once I got that positive I thought it was all going to be daisies and smiles and glowing skin and thick hair. Instead it’s been vomit (approx 12-20 times a day) mood swings (I’m quite unhinged) and sheer panic. 

All I do is worry about the baby to the point that today we went for a private scan as I can’t bare to wait until the first week of July to see the baby again. I told you – I’ve lost the plot!

This time the scan actually looks like a person – weirdly the baby is sat up straight! We even got to see it sucking it’s thumb and listen to its heartbeat.

Baby is doing great – I need to stop freaking out and start trying to enjoy this pregnancy – vomit and all!! 

We are officially in the second trimester – 14 weeks plus 1 day.